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"AITA for telling my friend he can't use my address anymore and returning his mail to sender"
"My buddy (26M) asked if he could use my address while he was in between places last year. I said yeah fine, figured it'd be like a few letters for a couple weeks.
Its now been almost 7 months and I'm getting mail for him constantly. Like not just regular mail, I'm talking a debt letter, his car insurance renewal, multiple packages, even a gym membership thing. My building has a small shared mailbox and half the time his stuff is clogging it up and I miss my own stuff.
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I mentioned it twice and both times he said he'd sort it out "soon." I wasn't really trying to make it a big thing but I was just sitting on my couch playing Ѕtake on my phone when I got a notification from him for a package too big for the mailbox sitting at my door and it was just a bunch of random clothes he ordered. I kinda snapped a bit at that point.
Told him he has 2 weeks to update his addresses everywhere or I'm writing return to sender on everything going forward. He called me unsupportive and said he's going through a lot. Now 2 of his other friends are messaging me saying I was too harsh about it.
Like I get that he's struggling but its been 7 months and he's ordering stuff to my address so how bad can it really be. AITA?"
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Most people assume this kind of favor will last a short time, and that's actually why we agree to accept them and lend a hand in the first place. But when the other person doesn't realize their situation is starting to affect your day-to-day life, it's time to set a boundary.
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If your own mail gets delayed or your space gets cluttered because of someone else's problems, the arrangement is no longer harmless. And it's not that you don't care about your friend; it's that the arrangement has clearly outlived its purpose. Maybe your friend has simply gotten comfortable with your help, so he's no longer in a rush to fix the situation because he knows he can rely on you.
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Your help is not a permanent solution. At some point, the person receiving help has to take responsibility for solving their problem. Otherwise, the favor stops being just “help” and turns into dependence, which can slowly start to damage your relationship with your friend. So, it's better to address the situation sooner rather than later.
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Well, that's when you have to remind them that your help has limits. Setting a deadline in situations like this isn't cruel; it's speaking up when your limits have been reached. And clearer limits make stronger (and healthier) bonds.
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Outside-Signature600
“Let him transfer his mail to one of those two friends homes. Problem solved.” -
NotYourCantaloupe48
“HE can RENT a mailbox for that sort of thing. No need to burden you with managing his correspondence and delivery and debt and obligation that his packages reach him. NOPE. His friends can step up now.” -
AlotaCrapola
“NTJ - 7 months is way too long to keep the I'm struggling/going thru a lot excuse. Let the other 2 good Samaritan friends to take a turn on loaning their address.”
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